Did you hear? Glenn Beck got jumped by a pack of ravenous urban liberals last night! Or did a drunk person just accidentally spill wine on his wife? You be the judge.

Glenn Beck took his family to New York's Bryant Park last night to see Alfred Hitchcock's The 39 Steps. While he was there, some of our loyal readers snapped some pictures of him and his family lounging happily on the grass. They must have missed the part where Glenn Beck and his family were attacked by vengeful liberals and almost lynched.

On his radio show today, Beck went on a long rant about how he and his family barely escaped death at the hands of New York's liberal elitist thugs. He said the crowd at Bryant Park was made up of "the most hateful people I've ever seen," which means he must not have been paying attention at his own rally.

"If I had suggested — and I almost did — wow, does anybody have a rope? Because there's a tree here. You could just lynch me. And I think there would've been a couple in the crowd that would've!"

That's not all. Some hate-filled liberal assaulted his wife, Tanya: She was soaked by a glass of wine "kicked intentionally on to her back."

Conservatives are right: Rich white men are now our most persecuted minority! But a woman with first-hand knowledge of the wine-spilling writes in. Turns out her friend accidentally spilled wine on Tanya:

I was on the blanked directly behind Mr. Beck, and while we did find it amusing that wine was spilled on Tanya & co, I can tell you that it was 100% accidental. My friend was drinking her wine and it tipped over, as wine glasses are wont to do. We immediately helped Tanya & co clean up the "mess" and offered them our napkins, and apologies were made. There was no hostility or animosity in the exchange, and I find it hard to believe that a half-filled glass of wine would be capable of "soaking" anyone, even waif-thin Tanya. Moreover, why would we waste the wine?

Glenn Beck's paranoid reality-twisting has become so ingrained in him that he can't even go for a nice night out without turning every slight into a vast liberal conspiracy. Poor Tanya.

Update:

Oh, and he just talked about this some more on his TV show and almost cried. He said he'll pray for the people who accidentally spilled wine on his blanket. Guess he'll pray that they get more stable glassware?


Previously:

Glenn Beck Catches a Movie in the Park