JFK Runway Shut Down Because of Turtle Infestation

Today it was time for an annual ritual, the day when the diamondback terrapins that live near JFK airport force one of the runways to close while they crawl across it to go lay their eggs. Can't we find a permanent solution to this?

Sure, flights were only delayed an hour and the 100 turtles were moved to a nice sandy spot so they can lay their eggs, so everything turned out fine. But can't we find these turtles a nice new home somewhere comfy and cozy? Next to the airport is no place to raise a family. It's loud and ugly and it's not like turtles can even take a flight somewhere nice if they want to. Maybe the University of Maryland will take them? Or someone can write a children's book about them (how has this not happened yet?) and then they could use the royalties to buy some waterfront property in the Hamptons or somewhere? Come on, turtles, show some of that New York hustle!

[Image of a terrapin that does not live near an airport via Shutterstock]