It was supposed to have been a bittersweet and quietly contemplative week for Glenn Beck, whose final Fox News Channel show aired today. Of course, all that was derailed by that senseless incident at Bryant Park, when his entire family was swept away by a wave of Cabernet Sauvignon released from a crop duster by an insane liberal. (Or else a plastic cup of wine tipped over. Reports were conflicting.)

But Beck, pro that he is, managed to keep emotions in check for his last Fox sermon — a tight set of greatest fear-mongering hits, delivered, as always, with all the conviction of someone you might find sitting alone in a Denny's booth at 4 a.m., scribbling into their conspiracy journal. Before signing off with a sentimental pledge of holy war against his media enemies ("You will pray for the time I was only on the air for one hour a day..."), Beck offered a perfectly reasonable explanation for why he had independently opted to abandon the biggest platform of his career for the decidedly less-glamorous world of internet broadcasting. The answer is in this video. I don't want to spoil it for you, but it involves a success-affirming text message from the lead singer of U2, and the dizzying prospect of exploring the dressing rooms of his favorite chorus boy-maiming Broadway spectacular.