'Fast Drunks' Coming to Drive-Thru Near You

Our nation's fast food outlets are all in that "teenage phase" right now, in which they all try to "find themselves" by trying on various new identities. Denny's is a "diner. Panera is a hippie haven. Everywhere else is now a "cafe." The only thing that our nation's fast food outlets can all agree on: they need more drunk people on their premises.

To the booze-serving Burger Kings and booze-serving Starbucks you can now add booze-serving Sonics. Which is really, let's be honest, a step down in all respects. Isn't there anyone out there with a pithy quote to save us from this danger?

"Fast food plus fast alcohol equals fast drunks," warns Michele Simon, research and policy director at the Marin Institute, an alcohol industry watchdog group.

Michele Simon has just written Sonic's new jingle.

[USAT. Photo: Kevin/ Flickr]