This May Be the Most Annoying Online Dating Break-Up Email EverS

No matter what site you use, online dating can be absolutely horrible. Sure, some people find their match on Match.com but more often than not, the people you meet are crazy, critical jerks who have you running for the door within minutes. Let's look at one horrible email from an online relationship gone sour.

According to our tipster, the recipient of the email (we'll call her MissLonelyheart) went on three dates with this guy who we'll call OompaLoompa at her request. After date No. 3, he contacted her through OKCupid, where they met, with this rather detailed breakup email:

Dear [MissLonelyhearts],

Thanks for an interesting 3 dates. I spent the weekend thinking about you and me and have decided that I'm not interested in pursuing "us" any longer.

I had a great time on our second date. You did a great job in planning that night. Thank you again! I really enjoyed meeting your friends on Friday night and they were great to talk to.

Personally, I'm not a big fan of when people just disappear, fall off the map or suddenly stop calling without a reason, so I figured I'd say a few things.

I don't think we're a good match and after looking at us on Cupid again, neither does Cupid. We're a 35% match on ethics questions and 52% on lifestyle questions. And I think the lifestyle issue is the bigger one. I think Cupid's matching system works best if the user answers more questions. I noticed you only answered 92 questions—so I'd recommend answering more. Cupid was founded by Harvard math majors, so I have confidence in their match algorithm.

I feel like I'm adaptable to almost any situation and get along with all kinds of people. You have told me multiple times that there are people you flat out don't think you have anything in common with nor want to talk to—like the people at my friend's party. I can't date someone who doesn't feel comfortable navigating through and thriving in the diverse social environments that I always find myself in. I feel like especially in a city like New York EVERYONE has something in common just by virtue of living in the biggest city in the US. Also most people aren't from here, so that's always something to talk about. My profile says it all when I talk about the various music and situations that I love. I also love crowds.

I also seem to have a lot more energy than you. I think I work longer hours, party much more, go out more, sleep less and probably exercise more than you. Plus I'm older. I love spending time relaxing on the couch, but I also love to dance every week. It would be ideal to find a partner to share these things with.

Lastly, on our first date you told me that I talk a lot but that you didn't feel like I talked enough about the "real me." You asked me if I ever open up to girls on dates. On our third date I told you all about my parents and I feel like instead of just listening to me and/or trying to see things from a different perspective, you basically just told me what "I should be doing" and essentially what I was doing was "wrong." As in I should be calling my mom every day and not speaking poorly of my father. How are you going to ask someone to open up and then chastise them for doing so? I didn't think that was very cool at all.

I highly recommend that you move to San Francisco once you are done with New York. It's got a large tech culture which is great for design. The cafe culture in SF is much more European style than New York—thus there are more cafes and more people working from cafes. I think SF may be better suited for your pace of life.

Montauk is the place that I recommended that you take your father. I know you mentioned that he likes to take the train, but I highly recommend not taking the train there if not spending a lot of money is important to you. Montauk is pretty rural and small town (but spread out) thus there is not much public transportation. Taxis there are very expensive and not very convenient if you want to go to more than 1 beach or location. It's not very walkable from the train station. Thus I recommend driving. The drive out there is beautiful. I took a date there last year and she loved it. I would definitely bring a change of clothes. It's super casual during the day (surf/beach attire) and it gets fancy at night at the restaurants and bars.

I wish you the best in your dating and other pursuits and it's a small world, so I imagine I'll run into you again somewhere on this planet.

Ciao,

OompaLoompa

OK, after three dates, he could have just stopped after the first two paragraphs. Most of us would just avoid calls, emails, and texts until the thing puttered out on its own, but it's polite to send an email ending it and give everyone that elusive psychological construct of "closure." The problem: He kept on going. And going.

As with anything on the internet, it's always possible this is some sort of prank or stunt. If this is some sort of OKCupid viral marketing campaign and the part about algorithms and Harvard grads was squeezed in on purpose, well, that's pretty genius. If he's a real guy who just sent this as part of a regular email, then he's a world-class tool.

But where does the blame lie? Sure, OompaLoompa's "I think I work longer hours, party much more, go out more, sleep less and probably exercise more than you. Plus I'm older," shtick is totally obnoxious. But if what he says is true about that she criticized the way he treats his parents on date three, then maybe it makes sense why he's dumping her.

And boy is he dumping her! But at least he's nice and courteous enough to help her plan a visit with her father, no? So, who do you think is wrong in this situation? Is it OompaLoompa for being a type-A jackass or MissLonelyhearts for being lazy, judgmental, and mean? Let us know in the comments.

And if you have an email that you need me to evaluate, be sure to email me.

[Image of a generic jerk—not OompaLoompa—via Shutterstock]