A "white male in his 40s" (isn't it always?) hopped the chain-link barricade around the Jaqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir in Central Park on Sunday, and leaped in for a refreshing swim. When firefighters arrived at the scene, the man, bobbing joyously about 20 feet from the northeast edge, flatly refused to emerge. Three firefighters then swam over to him "with a yellow rope and lassoed him." He was checked by paramedics for signs of drowning, for some reason, and taken to St. Luke's Hospital, where he's listed as in "stable condition." Feel free to direct your flowers and teddy bear gift baskets to "Stubborn Reservoir Guy, c/o St. Luke's."
There's been no word yet on whether or not he relieved himself during his joy dip, but you can be assured it'll cost a hell of a lot more than $36,000 to drain it if he did. And don't be surprised if the next couple of days bring with them a wave of copycat crimes. [NY Post, image via Getty]