Texans Are Now Giving Birth to Enormous BabiesS

Texas is the home of the banally ubiquitous "go big or go home" slogan, and now it's home to the most gigantic baby we've ever heard about.

This weekend Janet Johnson gave birth to 16-pound 1-ounce JaMichael Brown. Holy crap, that's a big baby. And he's more than 2 feet long. Try pushing that out of your vagina! JaMichael is not the product of genetic engineering, some fiendish government program to give fetuses steroids, or mutating radiation, though. It appears that Johnson's gestational diabetes is to blame. JaMichael is currently in the ICU getting assistance with breathing and eating, but she's expected to make a full recovery so that the entire state of Texas can start bragging about him and putting him on homecoming floats and lording their gigantic baby over the rest of the country like some kind of trophy. Texas would totally be the worst state—if it weren't for Florida.