We've been paying close attention over the last few years to the descent of Arizona from booming, comfortable retiree chain-store colony to foreclosed stucco race-warring hellscape, a bitterly dystopian prank from God where the only laws that exist are ones that Steven Seagal can enforce from a tank for his dumb reality TV show. It turns out that our efforts were all a waste of time! Instead, we just could've read this single story about State Sen. Lori Klein, who embodies everything we've come to love about the Death State.
I challenge you to find a richer, more revealing opening paragraph than this:
State Sen. Lori Klein did not intend to make a political statement when she carried a loaded weapon into the state Capitol two days after the mass shooting outside Tucson. The raspberry-pink handgun was simply in her purse, alongside her lipstick and keys.
The Arizona Republic reports that Klein, a freshman, has heard all the complaints from those "who don't understand why she feels the need to constantly walk around armed, even on the secured floor of the legislative chamber." She doesn't grasp why some consider this to be abnormal behavior. It's a very pretty gun! And she has a special — Kleinist, we'll say — way of showing it to softie reporters:
"Oh, it's so cute," Klein said, as she unzipped the loaded Ruger from its carrying case to show a reporter and photographer. She was sitting on a leather couch in a lounge, just outside the Senate chamber.
She showed off the laser sighting by pointing the red beam at the reporter's chest. The gun has no safety, she said, but there was no need to worry.
"I just didn't have my hand on the trigger," she said.
Just put her face on the state flag already.
[Image via AP]