People may be having fewer children than ever before, but have you noticed that the ones they are having keep gravitating directly to you — screaming through transatlantic flights, filling their diapers on crowded subways, whipping silverware at your head during romantic meals, etc.? Well, one man has, and he's decided to do something about it. McDain's, a driving range-side eatery in Pennsylvania, has instated a new policy: No more kids under six.

Owner Mike Vuick alerted customers with an email.

"Beginning July 16, 2011 McDain's Restaurant will no longer admit children under 6 years of age," it said. "We feel that McDain's is not a place for young children. Their volume can't be controlled and many, many times they have disturbed other customers."

Local parents are up in arms. Of course they are! How dare McDain's not allow them to subject hungry driving range patrons to their horrible, horrible kids? It's practically the whole reason they became parents in the first place! Which isn't to say that Vuick's motives are entirely ingenuous. Much like his Tuesday night tuna casserole special, something about this publicity-friendly rule-change strikes me as overwhelmingly fishy. [CBS3]