How Can Oprah Save Her Crappy Network?

When Oprah launched her own network earlier this year, the overarching strategic plan for success was: people love anything with Oprah in it for some reason. And yet the network hasn't worked. What needs to be done?

The Wall Street Journal reports that Oprah herself is about to seize control at the network and whip things into shape. New shows coming this fall include "'Rosie,' a new daily talk show hosted by comedian Rosie O'Donnell, as well as 'Oprah's Encore,' a compendium of Ms. Winfrey's old talk shows enhanced by new commentary from her. In January 2012, Ms. Winfrey's new prime-time show, 'Oprah's Next Chapter,' is expected to debut on the network." A decent start, but it'll take more new shows than that to win the drifting Oprah audience:

  • 'Oprah's Chapter After Next,' a show previewing Oprah's next show after her upcoming new show ends, whenever that may be.
  • 'RosOprah,' a talk show in which Rosie O'Donnell talks about Oprah.
  • 'Pictures of Oprah.' At 12 pictures per minute, that's 360 Oprah photos in a half-hour show. Good deal.
  • 'Oprah's Kids.' Does Oprah have kids? If so, they get a show. If not, buy some.
  • 'Oprah After Hours,' a live feed of a webcam hovering over Oprah's bed at night. Boringest show ever.
  • 'Oprah, Slowed Down.' Oprah's personal need to use the bathroom and occasionally hold private meetings with her personal wealth advisers means that OWN is unable, for reasons of simple spacetime, to show Oprah live on the network 24 hours a day. Unless... unless video of Oprah was slowed down. Hmmm.
[Photo via AP]