Uncle Jesse Is Dating Bridget Jones

John Stamos and Renee Zellweger go on a date at a little-known romantic hotspot called Disneyland. Kim Kardashian sets her wedding date. Patrick Schwarzenegger gets a job at the mall. Blake Lively wants to wed Leo. Thursday gossip is a wish your heart makes.

  • John Stamos and Renee Zellweger are dating, and celebrated their adult, sexually fulfilling relationship as any mature middle-aged couple would, with a trip to Disneyland. What is Hollywood doing to these people, that they willingly go on dates to Disney theme parks? (See also: Blake and Leo, Eva and Eduardo, Fox and BAG) Or am I just totally clueless, and everyone knows that Disneyland turns into orgiastic sex club after-hours, with scads of horny naked people pawing at the foam bodies of strangers in cartoon suits? Anyway, Stamos (age 47) and Zellweger (age 42) apparently rode Splash Mountain, "laughing and dancing as they walked from one ride to another." Whatever puckers your pout, I guess. [LaineyGossip, Us, Celebitchy, images via Getty]
  • Speaking of Blake Lively, she "wants to land Leo as a husband." I wanted to make a joke involving airplanes and landing strips, but it kept ending up dirty. [Hollywood Life]
  • Kim Kardashian set the date for her wedding: August 20. Megalomaniacal dictators looking to start a nuclear war on a humorously inconvenient day: You now have your "go" date. I mean, I'd suggest the date of the Harry Potter finale, but we all know there's no way to eclipse that. [P6]
  • Uncle Jesse Is Dating Bridget JonesSpeaking of weddings, Monica's wedding dress was ginormous. She also wore $1 million in jewelry. [Us]
  • One of the Teen Mom dads started a Twitter page for his two-year-old daughter. Outrage! Horror! 4,100 followers without even tweeting yet! [Us, @Leah_Leann]
  • Even Emma Watson can't get a cab in New York, which is weird, because she's a rich-looking white lady who almost definitely wasn't leaving Manhattan. Apparently she kept trying to get into off-duty cabs. To her credit, the "off duty" vs. "available" roof lights are annoyingly unintuitive. More lights should mean more available, right? [Daily Mail]
  • Turns out the male acquaintance who struck Nicki Minaj in the face at a hotel in Dallas was her assistant. His weapon: a suitcase, according to the police report. She's not pressing charges, though. [TMZ]
  • Uncle Jesse Is Dating Bridget JonesA "cringe-making" "trailer" for Tony Romo's wedding to beauty queen Candice 'Little Sister of Chace' Crawford leaked online yesterday. Apparently that is something fancy wedding people do now? It showed football-themed desserts, squealing bridesmaids, and Candice's elaborate hairdo. The genetic material of how many humans is included in that weave, do you think? [Us, Deadspin]
  • Daniel Baldwin recently filed for divorce. The reason: His wife assaulted him with a phone, pulled a knife on him, and threatened to kill him, he says. Said wife was arrested for a probation violation for driving drunk yesterday afternoon. [TMZ, TMZ]
  • In other Baldwin family dysfunction news, Alec Baldwin has progressed from ranting at daughter Ireland in voice messages, to ranting at her on Twitter. He teased her for using poor grammar, and she responded with an "excuuuuuse me," which is the only appropriate way to respond to such a thing. [@AlecBaldwin, @IrelandBBaldwin]
  • Is Vanilla Ice's wife sleeping with his best friend? Either way, the presence of this article means it will be very awkward next time they all run into each other. [Enquirer]
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger's son Patrick has a summer internship at The Grove, a mall. It requires him to wear a dorky nametag, and has something to do with real estate, maybe? Or a fancy person's version of being a mall cop? [TMZ]