President Obama will become a Man, finally, when he turns 50 on August 4 — the same day our first post-debt ceiling deadline interest payment is due! Yikes, let's forget about that. Because Obama will have some other priorities on this day of days: raking in as much money as possible for his campaign. You can't turn him down on his birthday, either; it would be against the Geneva Conventions, maybe.
On the eve of his birthday, Obama will gather with common street hobos and rich jerks alike at Chicago's Aragon Ballroom. According to the Sun-Times, tickets range from $50 dollars for basic access to some things to $35,800 per couple, "which includes VIP seating at a 'Birthday Concert' where celebs will be performing and a dinner with the president."
It is expected to be among the top fundraising events of the third quarter, obviously. But won't he be too old to be going to pop concerts by that point? Not if it ends by midnight, when he will instantly transform into a bitter old hunchback troll who cannot and will not ever figure out how to use a universal remote.
[Image via Getty]