While I'd like to retire the word "douche" and its many derivations, that doesn't mean it doesn't have its uses. Just look at GQ, which published a new, revised list of the "Douchiest Colleges in America" today. So what schools made the list?
GQ doesn't seem to have a clear definition of just what a "douche" is (which is part of the reason why the word is so annoying an ineffective), but it seems to mean any person who is unsavory and easy to pick on. That appears to be why the mag chose Cornell as its "douchiest" school, mostly because it's cold there and Cornell students know they go to an Ivy League school but have to point people to the "Ivy League" entry on Wikipedia to prove themselves. That doesn't sound "douchey" to me, necessarily, just kind of annoying.
Next on the list is Penn State (for liking college football) followed by Yale (for obvious reasons), Stanford (because they use Facebook), and Pepperdine (because they're rich and Bible thumping).
There are five more schools on the list, but we can't really trust any list of "douchey" schools that doesn't include NYU. I mean, have you met the fauxhemians and wannabes that crowd into it every year? Awful! This new list is meant to replace GQ's original douchey college list, which had Brown, Duke, and Princeton (all solid choices) in the top spots. This new list is an excerpt from a book called The Rogers & Littleton Guide to America's Douchiest Colleges which sort of sounds like a book you would invent if you were writing a parody piece about how sad the publishing industry is these days, but it appears to be a real book.
When will everyone realize that all colleges are "douchey?" That's sort of the point of college, to go somewhere and behave like an entitled asshole for four years before the world breaks your spirit. If you want to avoid it, you might as well just stay home and find out how cool it is live with your parents until you're 29. That's not "douchey" at all.
[Image of Cornell playing lacrosse, the world's "douchiest" sport, via Getty]