It seems that some sort of internet trickster — a LMAO Loki, a ROFL Rumpelstiltskin — hacked into sad-puppy actor Zach Braff's five-year-dormant website and wrote a message from Zach announcing to his fans that he is a gay person.

But he is a not a gay person! Yes, Zach's "people" have sent out the word that while this weird old website said this morning that he's a gay person who does gay things (like go to Stagedoor Manor theater camp, par exemple), in real life (IRL) this is not true. Braff then responded himself, on his Facebook page:

My old website got hacked. Someone issued a "coming out" statement on my behalf. I'm still straight and in love with my girlfriend. But not too straight; I still love musicals, brunch and Doogie Howser.

So there you go. A firm setting the record straight (as it were) mixed with a little self-effacing humor. It's the Braffian way!

But yeah, in case you were wondering at any point today, "What's that guy from Garden Scrubs doing with his sex organs these days," there's your answer. He's not using them with guys. Only girls. Just so you know. OK? [TMZ; image via Getty]