Like an intemperate child placed in "time out," tabloid sex perv and professional journalist Andrea Peyser has resorted to "acting out" in order to grab our attention, now that we've stopped covering her every last cock-imbued utterance in order to write about topics more useful to society, like brawls in fast food restaurants.

Andrea cries for attention not by simply stomping her feet and swallowing indigestible objects like most babies, but by writing a newspaper column which is so blatantly outrageous and nonsensical that it is physically impossible for a blogger not to mock it, because it takes nothing more than a simple blockquote to reveal its comedic depths of foolishness, and most bloggers are, like us, extremely lazy.

And in the end, "[Harry] Potter" may go down as the most sexist story ever told.

You've done it again Andrea, you irresistible literary harlot, you! You've lured us into your vile and pornographic web of cockamamieness! Tell us more about this hot, sexy, easily ridiculed idea, you fabulous heterosexual, you:

J.K. Rowling pretended to be a man, wrote tales starring a guy and endured physical abuse for being born a woman. She triumphed. But the lessons she teaches little girls are murky.

Do whatever it takes to get ahead.

Got that, bitches? The subtext of the Harry Potter books is clear: prostitution. Dirty, man-hating prostitution, preferable of some perverted sort. Thank you, Andrea Peyser, the Prostitute Whisperer.

We just can't quit you, girl.