Fish lead! Sperm coats! Bald hair! Tall cancer! Dissolving tobacco! Tortoise leg! Calorie counts! Lung damage! And the fatalistic approach to our own mortality! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your heath—soberly!

  • Whattaya do when you find out the dirt all around your house is all full of lead, poisonous deathly lead? Just dump a bunch of fishbones in there! Any questions? Moving on!
  • Okay if you have infertility, well, does your sperm have coats? Maybe your sperm needs a coat? We're "spitting" science here, not as a double entendre but as a serious advance in sperm knowledge. Coats it is!
  • If you're bald and you're like "Maybe I should to to Hair Club for Men," well it's still there.
  • If you're tall then it says here that you really just might have cancer, but the good news is you're a woman!
  • Do you think "dissolving tobacco" is safe? I know what the scientists say, but what do you think?
  • This African tortoise lost his leg and had it replaced with a wheel. That's not really a health story per se, so we're not going to include it in this roundup.
  • We're sad to report that the calorie counts you see on your restaurant menu do not correspond to the actual number of calories in the dish you're consuming. That's because that's just an old Chili's menu that you stole and insist on carrying around everywhere, god knows why.
  • Now this is weird, this is strange, it seems that US soldiers are experiencing mysterious lung damage, hmm. Is it the bullets? Haha no, but seriously maybe it's the sarin. Haha no I bet it's just tiny particles of windswept desert sand borne on the sighs of a thousand widows.
  • This drug, that drug, this test, that test. What's the point?

[Photo: HeyRocker/ Flickr]