Unfortunately we missed the premiere of the second season of Logo's gay housewives show The A List last night, but luckily we ran into Dustin and Jayden, Manhattan's most annoying homosexuals, and they were talking about what happened. Here's what we overheard.
"Girl, check out what is on my iPhone."
"Ew, no. If I get my Grindr too close to your Grindr our shit is going to spontaneous combust or some shit."
"Girl, I told you, I do not want to look at pictures of your dick."
"That's not my dick."
"Whose dick is it?"
"Shut up! Really?"
"Yes, girl, it's all over the internet. She got caught jacking off on Cam4."
"You mean she didn't even get paid to do this."
"No! I mean, who would pay for Reichen's Wee Willie Winky?"
"Yeah, that shit is small. And she's only got one nut."
"No! I think there's two."
"I guess one is all shriveled up then. How did you find this?"
"Girl, love her."
"She's in a fight with Ryan though, right?"
"Yeah, but I don't know about what. She's probably just all mad she doesn't get to hang out with Reichen and Rod-i-ney as much as Ryan does."
"Whatever girl, she's been hanging out with Derek anyway."
"Girl, have you seen Derek lately?"
"She looks like she is on the mones."
"She's gonna be a tranny?"
"No, the man mones, she's getting all beefy!"
"Maybe she's just working out more because she ain't got no job no more."
"Yes, she quit her job to start her line of tanning products."
"Do the products make you look like her?"
"Yes. Probably. It's called Orange Man Mones."
"No it's not."
"No, it's called Tansexual."
"No, for truth?"
"Yes, girl. She should have called it Tangasm."
"Girl, that's what she is, nothing but a tan trick." (SNAP!)
"Werq. She's been hanging out with that Austin too."
"She fat. It's cause she puts beer in her protein shake."
"And now she's going to put her fat ass on the cover of Playgirl."
"What? Are they shooting from the neck up?"
"I don't know, girl. They can't find a flattering angle anywhere."
"There are not enough filters on Earth."
"She's going to have to buy the PhotoShop and then move in!"
"Okrrrrr. Well, I guess straight girls do like 'em a little chunky."
"Please, there ain't no straight girls reading that shit."
"Anyway, Austin's husband is going to see it."
"Oh, the husband lives here now?"
"He was like, 'Why don't you marry me, and I'll get a Visa,' so Austin did it thinking she would get a credit card out of the deal."
"Ha! That's amazing."
"Not as amazing as what happened at Mike Ruiz T-Shirt party at TAG-G-G-G-G-G-G-G."
"The extra Gs stand for gay, right?"
"You know it! Well, everyone shows up and there's this new girl Nyasha."
"Nayahsa. She's some kind of girl with a wig line and a dance single."
"Is this tranny the black Kim Zolciak?"
"No, she's not a tranny, she's a real girl."
"What's this RG doing at the party?"
"Talking to everyone about the album she's recording. Her first single is called 'Pride.'"
"Please, she ain't recordin' shit. Who does she think she is CeCe Penistan?"
"C&C Music Fuck-tory."
"That was stupid. Anyway, she shows up at the party..."
"Yes, and she starts something between Reichen and Rod-i-ney and Derek and Austin. So they all go off to Therapies..."
"Girl, who goes to Therapies anymore? That bar is over. Why weren't they at Industries?"
"Cause they stoopit. So, they're there and they all sit down and Nanooshna tries to get in the middle of the Derek Austin/Rodiney Reichen thing and then Derek starts talking about Rod-i-ney talking shit to his mom on Facebook..."
"Seriously, they're talking about fighting with someone's mom on Facebook?"
"Yes, and Rod-i-ney is all like 'Your mother wears shoes on Facebook,' and Derek is like 'Take that shit back,' and he's all like roid-raged out cause she on the mones..."
"And then Austin tries to hit Rod-i-ney, but hits Nanooshna instead."
"Oh girl..." (WAGS FINGER)
"Is right! And she freaks out and then gets kicked out of Therapies."
"Girl, you know you are hurt up if you get kicked out of Therapies."
"For true! I mean, I haven't been kicked out of anywhere since my credit card got declined at the West Side Club."
"Girl, you are a mess."
"I know, but at least no one's seen my Cam4 on the internet."
"That's cause no one wants to watch you jerk off, queen."
"Why you gotta be nasty?"