In the Real-American stronghold of South Carolina, of all places, a 65-year-old woman has been accused of violating the state obscenity law by hanging a pair of Truck Nutz plastic testicles from the back of her pickup truck. What's next, a ban on the American flag?
Virginia Tice faces a $445 fine for decorating her Dodge with a pair of the dangling things, which often go together with anti-Obama bumper stickers and truck boxes full of guns. Earlier this month, Tice's Nutz caught the eye of Bonneau, S.C. Police Department Chief Franco Fuda, who spotted them while Tice was parked at a convenience store (where, one hopes, she was buying some sort of jerky and a lottery ticket). Under South Carolina state law, something becomes indecent "when it describes, in an offensive way as determined by contemporary community standards, 'sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.'" Whether Truck Nutz offend Bonneau community standards isn't exactly clear, so Fuda's requested a jury trial to gain some clarity on this important legal issue of our times.
The war against Nutz has been raging in South Carolina for some time now, with other towns in the Palmetto state declaring them to be "indecent vehicle ornaments." Why is South Carolina so against plastic testicles? This is the state that voted in Mark Sanford, who's got some of the biggest, fakest balls in American gubernatorial history. Oh America's South, how your contradictions confuse us.
Perhaps the most comical part of this whole story is Fuda's statement that "I went to (a) few websites that said, excuse the expression, 'show your nuts' ... I didn't see anywhere it said support your local proctologist or farmer." Either he thinks that butt doctors also examine testicles, or that Truck Nutz grow on trees. As far as we know, neither is true.