Your Cell Phone Won't Kill You

Life lives! Bears menace! Phone cancer! Asteroid stowaways! Booby bullies! Lab dangers! Electron dancing! Neanderthal crowding! And dangerous health experiments that you can do at home! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—on the road, baby!

  • Life. You know?
  • I, for one, am just glad to have been lucky enough to have been born in an age when our dominion over bears is generally considered to be, at least, somewhat stable, as long as there are no big sneak attacks.
  • Oh Christ, turns out Asteroid 2010 TK7 has been shadowing Earth and riding along with us for thousands of years. Sorry, asteroid: ass, gas, or grass, buddy.
  • Bullied booby birds become bullying booby birds. And that's the real tragedy.
  • What is the most dangerous piece of laboratory equipment? Mankind.
  • One thing electrons like to do is to "dance" until they form a brand new "ultrapure" form of matter. Do they do the Mashed Potato? Do they do the Twist? Look, I'm not going to lie to you. Ask me when you're older.
  • Researchers now believe that modern humans "crowded out" Neanderthals from their territory in Europe, in much the same way that your old college roommate tried to "crowd out" your popsicle-sculpture collection from the dorm room fridge, and with much the same result—a stone-tipped spear to the eyeball.
  • Parkinson's treatment could work for OCD, too. Could it also work for being a fucking jackass? I guess we'll find out in six to twelve weeks, assuming Fred doesn't notice all the dissolved pills in his coffee.
  • The results are in: Cell phones do not cause brain tumors; repeat, cell phones DO NOT cause brain tumors. Yessssss! iPhones do though.
[Photo via Shutterstock ]