Americans Demand Everyone Always Carry Guns Everywhere

Guns! Guns! We need more guns! We need more people carrying guns! We need more people carrying guns outside, in public, everywhere, constantly armed! What America needs are more armed citizens in public, ready to shoot!

Shoot the bad guys. According to the WSJ, gun rights groups are working hard to realize the founding fathers' dream of an America in which every last shopper at the supermarket, every last teacher at school, and every last anonymous spectator sitting quietly in the back of a courtroom would be carrying a loaded Glock. Bet you'd think twice about being rude to a fellow American if you knew that person was toting a 9mm with hollowpoints, eh? Unless you had your own, bigger gun. You'll teach them to threaten you, with their ubiquitous firearms!

What were we saying? Ah. Yes. The right to carry loaded guns in public is "the next battlefield" in the gun rights war, and is currently the subject of more than a dozen lawsuits. I bet what would help a judge to decide the case would be if the entire courtroom was full of quiet and well behaved Americans gently stroking the high performance glass filled nylon surfaces of their Ruger SR40c's, while the recited the Pledge of Allegiance. Then at lunchtime the whole crowd could move en masse to the diner where all the attorneys eat and huddle around the table of the attorneys on the wrong side of the case, and while the attorneys were trying to ignore them and eat their soup everyone could just start idly spinning the stainless steel cylinders of their loaded Smith & Wesson .44 Magnum revolvers, so that a quiet but menacing "Whirrrrrrr" sound rose throughout the diner, growing into a ceaseless chorus of self defense and American patriotism, the breeze of dozens of spinning chambers fanning the enemy lawyers as they tried and failed to choke down their Cream of Mushroom without peeing in their drawers, as they were the only unarmed ones in the diner, and how much do they treasure those liberal values right about now, hmm?

This will end crime.

[WSJ. Photo: Lucio Eastman/ Flickr]