We know you've been distracted by the debt-ceiling "crisis" and the borderline personalities that enabled it—but let's not forget our state legislators, who are far dumber, and generally drunker, than our congressional representatives could ever hope to be!
Take, for example, Ohio State Rep. Jarrod Martin, whom we met through Wonkette when he was cited last week for "operating a vehicle while intoxicated." Now, we may never know if Martin was, in fact, intoxicated on this particular occasion, as he refused to submit to a sobriety test because, his mentor says, he "did not want to be seen on video recorded by cruiser's dashboard camera system shirtless and dirty from working on the family's cabin."
And we may never know if he was actually drunk on March 24, 2010, when "Ohio Highway Patrol found [him]... slumped over a Chevy Suburban that belonged to state Rep. William Batchelder, R-Medina, who left his car in the garage overnight"—after all, perhaps he was just asleep, in someone else's car. (So sound asleep that "a state trooper tried unsuccessfully for 20 minutes to wake Martin" before calling medics.)
But we do know he was drunk on May 16, 2010, when Martin was, oh, I can't even bring myself to:
On May 16, 2010, the night manager at the Residence Inn in Beavercreek called police about guests yelling and fighting on the fifth floor at 4:30 a.m. Officers found Martin and six other men "highly intoxicated" at a bachelor party. The men said they weren't fighting; just having a "friendly wrestling match in their hotel room," a Beavercreek police report said.
Martin's parents were called to pick up the men and their belongings, according to the police report. Police noted that the room was tidied up and not damaged.
Jerrod Martin is 32 years old, and today, he is America's drunkest legislator.