Missing Park Slope Baby Is Actually a Monkey Doll

Bonni Marcus and Jack Zinzi dined in Park Slope on Sunday with their "closest companion," a monkey doll named Bongo. They are now offering a $500 cash reward to anyone who finds the orphaned simulation of a primate. Jack explained the predicament to The Brooklyn Paper:

I walked over to the restaurant [El Viejo Yayo], sat down, ordered the food, and reached into my pocket to put Bongo on the table—and saw that he was gone. I tore the car apart. I was in a bad way. Bongo really means a lot to me, so I kind of broke down. It happened so fast, because I couldn't have been in the restaurant 10 minutes before I realized he was gone.

Jack and Bonni—ages 58 and 47—are offering a $500 reward to anyone who can help them find Bongo. Jack suspects kidnap:

Somebody must have come along and thought he was as cute as I know he is.

Bongo is ten years old but mature for his age. He once went to a Hindu prayer retreat in the Bahamas with Bonni, who refers to herself as Bongo's "mother." Jack and Bonni have located several persons of interest in the mysterious disappearance of their eight-inch monkey doll—witnesses claim to have seen Bongo on Flatbush Avenue, Eigth Avenue, and Union Street—but no serious leads. If you have information on Bongo, please call (917) 224-3049, then email me, because I feel sort of invested now and want to know what happens. [Brooklyn Paper, image via Fucked in Park Slope]