Rick Perry Teams Up With Jesus to Bring America Jobs

Worried about the U.S. government's recently-downgraded credit rating? Don't be! Texas Governor and possible presidential candidate Rick Perry and 30,000 people just asked Jesus to help out with all of America's problems, and he should be here in an hour or so.

The American Family Association—America's most gay-hating Christian club—and Perry, who regards the separation of church and state with the same contempt he does snakes, threw a big prayer party at Reliant Stadium in Houston to help America out with its troubles. And, while the more cynical among you might think of it as a kind of proxy campaign rally for Perry's likely presidential run, this bad boy was all about Jesus:

"Lord, you are the source of every good thing," Mr. Perry said, as he bowed his head, closed his eyes and leaned into a microphone at Reliant Stadium here. "You are our only hope, and we stand before you today in awe of your power and in gratitude for your blessings, and humility for our sins. Father, our heart breaks for America. We see discord at home. We see fear in the marketplace. We see anger in the halls of government, and as a nation we have forgotten who made us, who protects us, who blesses us, and for that we cry out for your forgiveness."

Oh no! Not... fear in the marketplace! That was the thing that Jesus hated most of all, fear in the marketplace. Though attendance was high—30,000, around half the stadium—none of the governors Perry had invited were able to make it save Sam Brownback of Kansas. (Gov. Rick Scott of Florida appeared via a video in which he encouraged people to pray for jobs.)

[NYT]