Here Is Mercede Johnston's Butt, Boobs, and Best Palin Gossip

Mercede Johnston—of the naked Wasilla Johnstons—bares her butt, boobs, and the Palin family's secrets in next month's Playboy.

Excerpts from the interview have been leaking out in trickles. Playboy will blow its load on Friday, when Mercede's issue hits newsstands. Until then, here's a guide to Mercede's best revelations, and the likelihood that any of it is true:

  • Here Is Mercede Johnston's Butt, Boobs, and Best Palin Gossip

    Bristol Whipped Levi: "Levi was whipped like Todd, because Bristol is very manipulative. She'd use sex to get her way on many things... It was all about her using her body to get Levi to retract his statements."
    True? Probably. Teenagers use sex to get things all the time. Particularly if the absence sex ("I won't have sex if you give me a diamond promise ring, dad") counts.

  • Bristol's 5 Plastic Surgeries: "She's had numerous surgeries on her face, her chin twice or three times…Before Tripp was born she had liposuction here and liposuction elsewhere—where, I'm not supposed to say because Levi made me promise. And she had something else done after Tripp was born."
    True? Two surgeries we'd believe, even three. But five? At that rate, she'd have spent the last three years in perpetual recovery.
  • Track Palin Is a Drug Fiend: "He would do a lot of drugs. He did OxyContin and mostly cocaine. He didn't choose to go into the Army; he went there because his mom made him, to get him out of the way so when she was at the convention they wouldn't know he does drugs and would think he was a patriot. It's a front. It was all to get her son out of the way so it didn't ruin her reputation."
    True? This rumor has been rattling around for a while, but remains unsubstantiated. Then again, Mercede's mom was the local Oxy dealer, so maybe she has inside knowledge?
  • A Mean Text Message Bristol Sent: "I hope it was worth it having [Levi ex] Lenisha at your house 'cause you're never gonna fucking see your nephew again, bitch."
    True? Maybe if you switch the spelling to "cuz," "ur," and "yr."
  • Another Mean Text, Implying Bristol Slept With Other Guys: Mercede says Bristol sent this to Levi: "Ever since the moment I found out I was pregnant, I prayed to God you weren't the father."
    True? Might exclude the possibility that Bristol's pregnancy "wasn't an accident." Choose one version only, Mercede.
  • Bristol Is a Sociopath: "Everything is about her, her, her. She has to have her own way. She'll be supersweet and then she turns into the most evil person I've ever known …Honestly, she is the meanest person. I didn't know someone could be so vindictive and evil …[She's] a sociopath. She doesn't think anything she could do or does is wrong."
    True? Meh.
  • Mercede Can't Get a Job: ""It's hard to get a job in this town because of the Palins... People say, ‘Oh, Mercede Johnston, I don't know if people are going to come in if she works here.' Or, ‘We love the Palins, so we're not going to hire her.'"
    True? Likely.
  • President Palin Risks 'Mental Breakdown': "I think she'd have had a mental breakdown is she was elected [president]. As governor she quit on us. What does that say about her? Is she prepared to govern the whole country? Absolutely not. She can't even answer Katie Couric's questions."
    True? False. Palin lacks the introspection necessary for breakdown. She will bounce merrily along in a delusional bubble of her own making, forever.

[Playboy, images via Playboy.com, click here for NSFW pics]