Dirty Dancing Is the Next Thing to Be Ruined

As Hollywood is, duh, out of ideas, they're digging up a 24-year-old classic. Also today: the Smurfs will rise again, Mirielle Enos finally gets out of Seattle, and good news for Sarah Chalke.

  • Because they haven't quite exhumed enough beloved artifacts from Generations X & Y's youths and desecrated them right before our eyes, the geniuses in Hollywood have decided to go ahead and do a Dirty Dancing reboot. The good thing is that the original movie's choreographer, High School Musical maestro Kenny Ortega, will be directing the movie, but everything else about it is bad and awful and terrible. Hey Hollyweird, why don't you just go to Brighton, Massachusetts, break into my childhood home, go into my bedroom and just take all my old stuffed animals and books and everything else that's in there (there's a small bong leftover from college in there too, but I don't think you have need of that) and just put it all in a wood chipper and then ask me for $13 to get all the tattered remains back? I mean, ya might as well. You really might as well. [Deadline]
  • Speaking of things from the 1980s that have been updated and destroyed irrevocably, Sony Pictures has announced that there will be a sequel to their successful movie The Smurfs to be released in 2013. In the film, Neil Patrick Harris will tap dance on the grave of Thomas J. from My Girl while the Smurfs burn down Kevin McAllister's house and The Max and then Gargamel comes out and masturbates himself into a pair of Stride Rite sneakers and Papa Smurf defecates on a stack of Archie comics. That should about do it for my childhood, I think. [EW]
  • Even though AMC's The Killing turned out to be kinda bunk, its star Mirielle Enos remains a talented and intriguing actress, so it's good to see she's getting work. She's just been cast as Josh Brolin's wife in the high-profile gangster pic Gangster Squad, which you can tell is about gangsters because of the title. Though, confusingly, it's not about a squad of gangsters. It's about a squad of policemen (led by Brolin and Ryan Gosling) who go after gangsters. The chief gangster is Sean Penn. Good cast! Good for you, Mirielle Enos. Hopefully this movie will be more entertaining then watching people stand in the rain and talk about the Seattle mayoral race for hours on end. [THR]
  • Nerds, I am about to tell you something sad and shocking. Maybe you should have your inhaler close by just in case? Go get it from the bathroom, it's in the Yoda toothbrush holder. I'll wait here. ... Got it? Good, OK. Well, here it is. It seems that the Syfy channel has decided to cancel their series Eureka. There will still be the fifth season that's already in the can, plus a couple holiday specials, but the rumored sixth season is a no go. So that's that. Here, dry your eyes on this Kara Thrace washcloth. These things happen. It had a good run. A good, silly run. [EW]
  • Actress Stephanie Szostak (pronounced "Sleestak," I'm pretty sure) has been cast as Ryan Reynolds' wife in that sadly titled movie RIPD, about the ghost detective. He's not a regular detective who hunts ghosts, he himself is both a ghost and a detective. Sleestak will play his wife. She's alive, though. She's not a ghost. She's just a regular lady who thinks she can sense her dead husband's presence, because of course Ryan Reynolds is trying to communicate with her! "Sleestak, you in a danger girl." [THR]
  • Just when you think she's out for good, she's back. Sarah Chalke, the Roseanne fill-in who went on to later success on Scrubs, had a show this past season called Mad Love that nobody watched, and before that a pilot that didn't get picked up, so she'd had a couple big opportunities fizzle out. But! What light from yonder 20th Century Fox production studio breaks? She's signed a development/holding deal with Fox that will bear fruit in the form of a half-hour sitcom. There's no telling what kind of show it will be or how it will perform, but this at least means that somebody in the biz likes Sarah Chalke and that must feel pretty good if you're Sarah Chalke. (If you are Sarah Chalke, please call me and tell me interesting Roseanne stories. I'll be in Boston, protecting my history.) [Deadline]