Philadelphia is under siege by teenage flash mobs! Ha. Not really. A "flash mob" is when several dozen aspiring standup comics use the internet to meet in a certain place to do a funky collaborative dance. Philly's problem is just "kids being kids," which is to say, a bunch of teenagers beating you up, for fun.
Nevertheless, the media and politicians have decided to call these "flash mobs," so here we are. Philly's mayor has instituted a 9 p.m. curfew for anyone under 18 on Friday and Saturday nights. Why? You guessed it—those god damn flash mobs. Tell us, national media, will flash mobs ever stop being such a problem????
While Philadelphia has had more than its share of flash-mob troubles lately, it's not the only city dealing with the phenomenon sparked by the social media frenzy. A man was shot during a flash-mob flare-up in Venice last April. Not all flash mobs end badly, as passengers on a Hawaiian Airlines flight discovered in July when hula dancers began singing and dancing at 38,000 feet.
To be fair, at least one member of the Philly media remembers when this was called "wilding" or whatever other slang they had for it in generations past when teenagers were doing the exact same thing, because teenagers are subhuman jerks, as a rule.
We must beat up teens before they beat us.