Celebukids like Rich Hil are killing hip hop. Let's just say that up front, as a way of framing our overall sense of glee that there is a big story about Rich Hil—son of Tommy Hilfiger—in today's New York Observer. Does he invite us to fellate him? But of course.

And the haters? Gawker savaged him a few weeks ago, and Kanye West has been less than genial, but the record deal changes all that. "Fuck those people, you know?" he said, leaning into The Observer's recorder. "Fuck y'all, like, suck my dick. Literally. They know who they are."

No thanks. I have a theory that rich kids who are desperate to acquire an air of badass-ness in a misguided quest for hip hop credibility have only two real methods available to them: tattoos, and drugs. The fact that both of these things are no more than simple purchases and therefore confer no actual badass-ness whatsoever does not matter, to these misguided souls; they approximate rich kids' idea of the outward trappings of badass-ness, and that's enough. Consequently, Rich Hil is covered in tattoos (although he wasn't two years ago) and raps endlessly about drugs. He also *lives* in The Plaza, in an apartment his dad bought. He broke into hip hop the hard way:

It's a style he's developed over 10 years, when his infatuation with the lifestyle began in Greenwich, Conn. Rich's parents have always been supportive of his rap efforts. They allowed him to take formative weekend trips to Philadelphia at age 15 with the family bodyguard to visit friends he'd made in the hip-hop community.

Ha. Rich also proclaims himself to be the best rapper ever from Connecticut—which is equivalent to saying you're a better rapper than the next three people who walk by you on the street, but still, no. That would be Apathy, who wins by virtue of being able to rhyme words together, in English.

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There's much more in the NYO story: "faggots," Oxycontin, hype men, the fact that Rich doesn't write any lyrics, which may be something he should reconsider? Fuck the haters! Stay happy, joyous and free, Rich. One day you'll get sober and laugh, and laugh, and laugh at all this. Hopefully.

[NYO]