Serial Butt Stabber Stabbed More Butts

For months now, innocent shoppers in Virgina—the state that is, incidentally, "for lovers"—have been terrorized by a Serial Butt Stabber. Now, it appears that his reign of booty assault is even worse than previously suspected.

The Washington Post says that three more women have come forward to report that they, too, had their buttocks slashed earlier this year, in a mall, in Virginia, by some dude. While we of course can't say with certitude that the same criminal has perpetrated all nine of the now-reported buttocks slashings, we can surmise that the pool of people who amuse themselves by going to the mall in Fairfax County with a box cutter and proceeding to slice open the rear ends of unsuspecting H&M customers is, thankfully, rather limited. This is a case in which all of the sensational media coverage has really done some good:

Police spokeswoman Lucy Caldwell said that the three women who recently came forward said they initially believed that a hanger or clothes had simply brushed them. They contacted police after learning about the other incidents, she said.

Ladies: if your buttocks start spontaneously bleeding as you browse the racks in a Virginia H&M, don't just dismiss it as an accident. Contact police. Butt stabbing is a serious crime.

It is.

[Washington Post. Photo via]