Vampire Bat Rabies Is Here

Vampire bats! Healthcare law! Medical tattoo! Stroke depression! Backward legs! Spice fat! Organic poultry Deer coli! And rampant death in Somalia is sad, for a second! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while sucking!

  • Good news: for the first time ever, a vampire bat has given a person in America rabies, by biting them. Now you can look forward to being bitten by a vampire bat and getting rabies, also. It's what's up.
  • What does the new appeals court ruling on on the president's healthcare law mean for you? Why don't you go hire a fucking lawyer and ask them? Jesus, some people.
  • Okay so now they put a "temporary tattoo" on you that is not only invisible but also it monitors your heart and brain activity? Uh and this is cool how? Yeah real cool lol.
  • Wow, a new study says there's a link between depression and having a stroke. I guess so!!!
  • "Meet the boy with the backward leg." I don't want to meet him.
  • If you add lots of spices like turmeric and cinnamon to high-fat meals, it reduces your body's triglyceride response by up to 30%. So in layman's terms that means that spices reduce the level of dangerous fats in your blood. Get it? No? Cinnamon reduces your risk of heart disease. Like, makes it less. Cinnamon is good for you. Cinnamon, like the flavor. Flavors are good for you. Good for you, like good for your health. Your body. Your feelings. Flavor. For your feelings. Flavor feelings. Yes? Okay? Okay.
  • Organic poultry farms are healthier because blah blah blah you're just encouraging poultry yuppies with news like this, Big Organic Poultry Propagandists. You think I'll tell this story? I won't tell this story.
  • Turns out that deer have been spreading E. Coli throughout Oregon. Here's what I propose: we outfit people with camouflage and rifles, and allow them to go out and shoot some deer. Eye for an eye, bastard deer.
  • Somalia is in the midst of a devastating deadly cholera epidemic. So what are you guys doing this weekend?

[Photo via diveofficer/Flickr]