Rick Perry cannot be real. He is the ultra right wing conservative id, impervious to the restraints of physical particles, which are liberal. Watch this first web video of his since he joined the presidential race over the weekend. He is not a human.

We learn about his farming days growing up in Paint Creek, Texas, which he left to be an Air Force pilot for a few years and then returned to, for more farming. Somewhere in that timeline, he married his high school sweetheart, of course, and then a few years down the road he went on to create five hundred billion minimum-wage jobs for illegal immigrants.

Watch, as he buys screws from a cowboy at the hardware store.

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Rick Perry is not a human. He is a lush wig rested upon the manifestation of every Southern conservative's wet dream. Also, his book doesn't sound very good.