Andover kids. Celebukids. College kids. Old people. And—especially—Kreayshawn. Let me stop you right there. Whew! Glad I caught you. Hey, small tip: do not push that button. Do not touch that mic. Do not make that rap video.
Yeah, I know, it would come out awesome. Your idea is awesome. Totally. Whether a funny joke rap video that would be funny because it's white kids rapping like they were black people (ha), or a completely serious stab at hip hop from someone with a heartbreaking lack of creativity, originality, or skill, your idea is great. And your passion? I really admire that. You don't see that everywhere in this world. So cool that you're not not afraid to run out and pursue your dreams no matter how many people wiser than you advise against it. You're post-racial! You're a free thinker! You don't let the world put you in a box based on nothing more than prejudices against painfully embarrassing music!
And that's why we like you. That's why we want you to flourish, achieve your dreams, smoke all the best hydro, whatever the fuck you want. Seriously, here's some hydro, take ours. Take our enthusiastic laughs, our applause, our hands waving in the air, our slobbery groupie blowjobs, our everything. Our anything! Take it all. You can have it. It's for you. You're the star. Just, one thing, one minor little thing, it's not even a big thing, just a tiny favor we're asking, since we're doing so much for you: Do not make that rap video. Just. Don't. Do. It. Don't make that rap song, either. Just leave it alone. Go do virtually anything else.
It's not that we don't like your rap videos. We totally do. It's just.... well, these Alabama sorority girls have pretty much perfected the rap video form. And we wouldn't want you to look bad in comparison. We say this as your friend. And your biggest fans.
Do not say another word. Please.