We Don't Need No Stinkin' Apple Store

New York City already has four huge Apple stores, which are doing fine keeping the city's residents stocked with overpriced pieces of metal. But that's not good enough for Brooklyn borough president Marty Markowitz. He's begging Steve Jobs for an Apple Store.

Markowitz complained to reporters yesterday about Apple CEO Steve Jobs overlooking his domain as a suitable place for a store. Markowitz has been lobbying Apple for five years, even claiming that Apple "won't reach the big-time until Apple finally opens a store in Brooklyn."

As a resident of Brooklyn, I say: Keep out, Apple. We don't need Steve Jobs to plant one of his vacuum-sealed borg cubes in the middle of our quiet, leafy streets and abundant parks. It might bring Apple into the "big-time," but it will be the downfall of Brooklyn. Before you know it, that rough Brooklyn charm will be replaced with iPod-wearing zombies lip-dubbing the new Feist album on Segway scooters. If Markowitz were really looking out for his Brooklyn constituents, he'd lobby Steve Jobs to let shabby corner stores become certified Apple dealers.

[NYP, images via Getty]