Coffee mystery! Asteroid deflection! Earth expansion! Fly paranoia! Acoustic cloaking! Bear strings! Homo sapienism! Smartest insect! And stupid fish are all like, "Which hand makes the 'L?'" It's your Wednesday Science Watch, where we watch science—as best we can!
- There's a movement to rename our species, because "homo sapiens" means "wise man," and since we're destroying the earth blah blah etc. we can't be all that wise, right? Sure. Hahaha they should just call us all "homos" then, hahahaha, the best standup comedy species ever! That would still mean "wise," I guess that won't work. Let's call ourselves "Chad Rocketships."
- Hold everything, stop everything, the scientists have a new finding: they've figured out why when you spill coffee and it dries, it's darker on the outside than on the inside. Oh, wow, nice, heartbreaking work of staggering genius. Do we really want to open that Pandora's Box?
- If there was an asteroid coming at our planet, would you be be able to deflect it? I know I would.
- Do you suffer from "decision fatigue," where you just get tired of making decision after decision after decision? Give me your wallet.
- NASA has finally confirmed it: the Earth is not expanding. Who the fuck thought the Earth was expanding?
- Male fruit flies get "paranoid" when another male is around, and when they get paranoid they mate with females for twice as long as usual. Male fruit flies are on crystal meth.
- Now there's an "acoustic cloaking device" that lets sound waves travel around you but not, like, into you, because of the cloak you have on. Just like an invisibility cloak, but way more useless. Kind of like a dork cloak.
- "Grizzlies Return, With Strings Attached." The strings were actually human entrails, mostly. That's just how Shane Battier rolls.
- You'll be amazed when you find out what the world's smartest insect is: a bumblebee. That's not that exciting now that I think about it further.
- If you put too much carbon dioxide in the water with some fish, they get so dumb they can't tell their left from their right. They have to hold out their hands in front of them and spread their fingers and look for the "L," which is embarrassing, come on.
[Photo via Ben Sutherland/ Flickr]