Denver Drains Fountains In Anticipation of Dirty Hippie Gathering

A Denver suburb has made the preemptive decision to shut off two large fountains outside Dick's Sporting Goods Park — aka "The Dick" — where Phish will play over Labor Day weekend. But Commerce City mayor Paul Natale wants to be clear that this isn't a measure to, say, keep Phish fans from rinsing off their dirty hippie nether-regions during periodic lulls in 79-minute, freestyle versions of "Runaway Jim."

"It's not because we think Phish followers are not the best of people," said Natale. "But we just want to avoid a challenge that may or may not come up. We are more concerned about what may be placed in the fountains."

He didn't elaborate, but here is a partial list of items Commerce City officials are hoping not to find in The Dick's fountains:

  • Dicks.
  • Drugs.
  • Hacky sacks.
  • Devil sticks.
  • Excess veggie stir-frys and grilled cheeses.
  • Bad-tripping girlfriends.
[Denver Post , photo via Getty ]