America Takes Too Many Bites

Preaching fit! Ninja warriors! Muscle cream! Bulletproof skin! Bite counters! Vanity benefits! Meditation strength! Novak Djokovic! And the stunning origin of the TRX workout trend! It's your Monday Fitness Watch, where we watch fitness—bitingly!

  • Will Jesus preaching from god make people healthy and fit? Yes, if you preach while wearing ankle weights.
  • Have you been watching very closely this show called "Ninja Warrior" which features upper body strength and other things presumably coveted by the feudal Japanese fighters of long ago? I haven't but if it shows very fit people being chopped up with samurai swords, as I suspect, I will.
  • If you want to rub cream on your muscles, why not make it cream associated with a guy who shot himself with a shotgun? That's what I want to know.
  • Remember that Chris Rock bit where he's talking about why he doesn't work out because he has real guns and he's like "You got pecs? I got Tecs!" Haha yeah. Well now scientists have made bulletproof skin. So I guess my question to Chris Rock is if I have pecs that are also bulletproof, what then, sir?
  • Since you're totally out of control when it comes to shoving sickening quantities of processed food down your insatiable maw, maybe you should get one of these "bite counters" that tells you how many bites you've taken today. "Too many," it screams. You disgust me.
  • Vanity can actually be a good quality, when it comes to fitness, because after a while you recognize and realize that you'll never be on my level no matter how hard you work, and then you can settle down and just "do you."
  • Interesting question: Can you meditate your way to physical fitness? Yeah sure, physical fitness of sitting on your ass! Hahah. Hey meditation boy, give me a dollar before I... did you just shoot me with mental laser beams?
  • Fake sport "tennis" player "Novak Djokovic" says that even though he has a bum shoulder he's confident he'll be "fit enough to play in the U.S. Open." Yeah they call it that cause it takes as much fitness as opening a tub of Cool Whip. Fit enough? More like bit enough, off all the fried pork chops you're eating. Tennis? More like Wimp-is. More like Novak Joke-ovic.
  • The so-called "TRX" workout trend began when a Navy SEAL fashioned a simple workout device from nothing but two handles and a piece of cord, then threw that in a trash can and did Super Squats. (TRX was an extremely short-lived workout trend.)
[Photo via Michah Sittig/Flickr]