Dominique Strauss-Kahn's Hotel Room Was a Semen Stain-A-Palooza

The legal filing on Monday to dismiss charges of sexual assault against Dominique Strauss-Kahn contained within it one crusty footnote, illuminated by the blacklight-wielding investigators of The Smoking Gun: The $3,000-a-night Sofitel suite where the former IMF head stayed last May, and where his accuser said the alleged crime had occurred, contained within it remnants of ejaculate from anywhere from four to seven other men.

From the filing:

Three of the other stains on the carpet contained the semen and DNA of three different unknown males, and one other stain contained amylase and a mixture of DNA from three additional unknown individuals. The stain on the wallpaper contained the semen and DNA of a fourth unknown male.

So, let's take stock of what was found: There were four stains on the carpet. Three contained the semen of three different men — one per stain — while a fourth stain contained the semen of three different men, as if blended into some kind of protein-boosted semen smoothie. The mind reels at the logistics of even achieving such a stain. (Hint: amylase is an enzime present in saliva.) And then there was the semen on the wallpaper, which belonged to that fourth male, about whom nothing is known (save for the fact that he was not a dribbler).

The recommendation for dismissal concluded that there was "no evidence that any other person was present during the charged incident" and therefore "the circumstances under which the unidentified DNA was deposited are unrelated." So the possibilities as I see them are twofold: the rumors of Strauss-Kahn's wanton weakness for elaborate, Eyes Wide Shut-style sex orgies are true, or hotel rooms, as a general rule and regardless of cost, are covered in a lot of strange men's jizz. Either way, gross. [TSG, photo via AP]