Possibly peaked Michele Bachmann has been hanging out in Florida sandwich shops these past few days to talk about how she might change the $7.25-an-hour federal minimum wage, if she becomes president. She'd impose living wages for everyone—especially sandwich shop workers!
Ha ha, just kidding. No, Bachmann thinks the minimum wage is possibly driving away all of America's corporations, who can hire cheaper labor in foreign countries instead of putting up with spoiled American workers. If we lowered wages here, then those companies might come back and create $1-an-hour jobs that we could all proudly hold. But don't hold her to that! "I'm not married to anything," she told a crowd of supporters at the "Bible Thumpin' Gun Totin' Capitalist Pig Owned" Angie's Subs in Jacksonville. "I'm not saying that's where I'm going to go."
Not disclosing where she's going to go is probably wise, considering that she seems to be having trouble figuring out where she is:
"Can you imagine if good businesses like Subway," she began before the crowd drowned her out shouting, "Angie's!"
She made up for it by starting a chant of "Angie's Subs!" at the end of her remarks.
As if the GOP race needed another cheerleader. Anyway, maybe Bachmann hasn't dined at Subway for a while, considering that her congressional salary pays a bit more than $7.25 an hour and therefore provides her with more dining options than just $5 footlongs and coupon combo-meal deals. She might not have realized that common plebes typically can tell they've entered a Subway and not some random locally-owned sandwich joint because all the signage features the word "Subway" on it, and the sandwich artisan behind the counter goes, "Welcome to Subway," and there's Subway napkins and drink cups and stuff, and also a cold, hopeless atmosphere that makes you question whether your life is just a cruel joke or what. Sometimes a svelte man stands at the door holding a giant pair of pants to greet you.