Lindsay Lohan and Chris Brown Flirt on Twitter, 'Wanna Meet'

Lindsay Lohan propositions Chris Brown. Kim Kardashian "wants babies." Timberlake romances Jessica Biel again. Lauren Bush's wedding will feature a rodeo and a saloon. Tuesday gossip gets back on the horse.

  • Lindsay Lohan to Chris Brown: "@chrisbrown wanna meet?" This can only end in disaster. It all started when LiLo tweeted "@ChrisBrown killed it. #MTVVMAs," which is sort of like batting your eyelashes at a guy across the room at a crowded bar. And then Chris Brown retweeted Lindsay's tweet, which is like the guy locking eyes with you, then biting his lip, sexily. And then Lindsay pulled the ol' "wanna meet?" which is like pointing at the bathroom in the back of the bar, then pantomiming hump motions while licking your cleavage. Repeat: This can only end in disaster. Actual disaster. Scary disaster. LiLo has a troubled history with toxic substances, and there are few celebrity substances more toxic than Chris Brown! [@LindsayLohan, images via Getty]
  • Lisa Vanderpump's farcically named daughter Pandora Vanderpump-Todd got married. [Us]
  • Lindsay Lohan and Chris Brown Flirt on Twitter, 'Wanna Meet'Angelina Jolie on becoming a director: "Brad thinks I'm going to be a nightmare. I had such a good experience, he thinks I'm going to be impatient with directors, which I already am. I get impatient with people working on a film that have their head in their hands like it's the most complicated thing in the world." It doesn't make sense to her, because when Angelina makes a movie, she just rides in on a magical unicorn, and then the unicorn poops a rainbow, and then she threads the rainbow through a film projector and hits "play," and it's an Oscar winning movie. Maddox is working on cloning the film rainbow unicorn, but until he gets the gene sequence right, we'll have to settle for his boring old mom. [VF]
  • Oooh, Lauren Bush Lauren wedding details: The GOP heiress will wed her polo shirt heir fiance at Ralph Lauren's 17,000-actre Telluride estate on Sunday. There will be a picnic, a softball game, a rehearsal dinner, and a rodeo. (!!) The ceremony will be at a Rocky Mountain ranch that boasts "a saloon, teepees, and cabins." "The dress code for the wedding is black tie with a Western twist, which fits in with the romantic surroundings and both families' American roots." Ralph Lifshitz: Jewish country club cowboy. If that's not an American story, I don't know what is. [P6]
  • Kim Kardashian "wants babies" according to rich lady and pro athlete ex-wife Lisa Gastineau. Remember when Lisa and daughter Brittny had a reality show called Gastineau Girls? That makes them proto-Kardashians. Primitive Kardashians. Kro magnon Kardashians. Kim Kardashian with a unibrow, saying "ooga booga" (Why do cavemen always say that? Is "ooga booga" humankind's original language, from before the fall of the Babel?) is Lisa Gastineau. [Us]
  • Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are on-again and went on a "whirlwind trip" to the Hamptons. Then they went to Toronto and galavanted around "hipster haunts." "Everyone acted very Canadian and left them alone." Then how come we have all this gossip about what they did there, eh? [P6]
  • Gerard Butler and Eddie Cibrian ex Brandi Glanville (the one who lost her husband to LeAnn Rimes and will appear in the upcoming season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) went to a party where "one thing led to another," "drinks were flowing," "hands started getting frisky," and then, BLAMMO!, "full-on make-out session! Everyone saw it. One girl tried to snape a photo of it on her phone, but Gerard politely asked for privacy." Nothing like a citizen paparazzo to harsh your dancefloor horndog mellow. [L&S]
  • Jay-Z "doted" on pregnant wife Beyonce backstage at the VMAs. Of course, once you know a couple is expecting, all interactions start to resemble "doting." Rose-colored glasses of couple-watching. [Us]