German reactors! Hurricane prediction! Spatial men! Mind microbes! Mysterious Demisovans! Green office! Faster boarding! Space danger! And the liquid corpse option has arrived! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—posthumously!
- Germany has shut down nearly half of its nuclear reactors. Good? Bad? Medium? Sprecken-zee-deutsch? Haha, that's the only German I know. Sounds so weird, right? Oh, "bratwurst" also.
- Despite all of our nation's futuristic technology, iPads, iPhones, and holograms, scientists still can't accurately predict the intensity of hurricanes. But a little man by the name of Jesus can. When will scientists turn towards him, in praise?
- Everybody knows men are better at "spatial ability," whatever that means. But is this superiorness we have cultural, or just a natural thing? It's cultural. But for me it's a natural thing.
- Oh great, here's a great new way science Einsteins have dreamed up to cure your depression: mind-altering probiotic microbes that you eat. They're called "Activia" and they're really delicious despite their poop-related connotations.
- Who were the Denisovans? I like to imagine that they were a peaceful tribe of jugglers who bummed around prehistoric France in an old Econoline, juggling for their dinner, making lots of friends along the way. I can't say for certain whether that's accurate though.
- Your office building may be "green," but is it the greenest office building in America? It might be, once you burn down this place.
- An astrophysicist at Fermilab has invented a new method of boarding planes that cuts boarding time in half. Step one, get a lot of whips.
- Here's kind of a fun story: astronauts might have to abandon the International Space Station for their own safety. It would be fun to float around, I mean.
- If you don't want to be buried or cremated, why not have your dead body liquefied via alkaline hydrolysis? Because that's fucking sick. You sicko liquid zombie person.