Your Pretty Hair Is Making You Fat

We well-meaning men have been trying to tell you this for years, ladies: your fancy hairdo is dumb. And it sucks up time that could be better spent on other things like, I don't know, just to pick an example out of thin air... doing some exercise to get yourself in shape, for once.

Now you're slapping us. Don't believe our well-intentioned advice that originates from a place of caring? Perhaps you'll believe THE US SURGEON GENERAL, A WOMAN:

Surgeon General Regina Benjamin gets it. She is a doctor whose mother was a hairstylist. She knows high-maintenance hair can be an obstacle to exercise, especially for African-American women like herself. She's performing a huge public service by calling women out on it.

"Oftentimes you get women saying, 'I can't exercise today because I don't want to sweat my hair back or get my hair wet,'" Benjamin told The New York Times. "I hate to use the word 'excuse,' but that's one of them."

This isn't me talking, ladies; this is US Surgeon General Regina Benjamin, telling it like it is! No, I mean... no... I didn't... I never said that you need to exercise, it's just... I'm not trying to tell you... no, look, seriously, it's not... I'm telling you it's not even about your looks at all, it's just a health thing, I want you to be healthy, because I love you, and... no, you look fine, I mean you look great... of course I love your hair! All I'm... okay, I'm not trying to argue, I know your hair takes time, I was just telling you... god, fine, yes, Jesus Christ, forget it. Forget it. Just forget it. Let's just go to dinner, okay? Let's go to that new Italian place.

Just don't take fucking forever doing your hair, please. Just run a brush through it. It looks fine.

[Chicago Tribune via Pat's Papers. Photo: AP]