Ray-J confronts Kris Humphries on an airplane. Kim releases a video of Kris caressing her butt. Lindsay Lohan gets a Billy Joel tattoo. Marc Anthony says his love life "is not a funeral." Alyssa Milano gives birth to her baby. Thursday gossip fucked your wife.
- Kris Humphries reportedly wound up sitting next to his wife's doggy-style sex tape partner Ray J in the first class cabin of a Delta airplane, and dealt with it in the saddest, most awkward way possible: He sat frozen in his seat "across the aisle" from Ray J "for a few minutes" (Did he stare blankly in stony-faced horror? Bow his head and sneak furtive side-eye glances at the man whose legacy he fears more than anyone else's?) then switched seats and sat in "awkward silence" until Ray J walked up and congratulated him on the marriage, at which point "Kris acted like he didn't recognize him." Apparently "Ray J said, 'Come on, you know who I am. I just wanted to say congratulations.' Then Kris, realizing he was cornered, said, 'Oh yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I know who you are.'" And the size and shape of your penis, and what you look like orgasming all over my wife.
The word "awkward" gets tossed around a lot, as does the "most ______ ever" headline construction, but I suspect this was actually the most awkward moment of Kris Humphries life, if only because his life seems like it's been kind of boring so far. I mean, relatively boring, for a filthy rich 26-year-old baller, at least. [P6, images via Getty and Kim Kardashian Superstar]
Speaking of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, here's a "honeymoon video" they made for the nice moneybags at Us Weekly. Kris caresses Kim's butt in slow motion, and actually picks her up by her butt and transporting her with it. [Us]
- Alyssa Milano gave birth. Her son's name is Milo Thomas Bugliari. [E!]
- Marc Anthony gave his first post-divorce interview to ABC News' John Quinones (Do controversial celebrities demand interviewers who match their racial demographic? Or do the networks think it'll help establish "trust"? Has anyone actually tested this premise?) and said he'll "always love Jennifer [Lopez]." His break-up with her has been a breezy walk in the park: "It wasn't something sensationalistic… It wasn't shocking. These things happen… This is not a funeral… This is just two people who came together and just realized… that it wasn't sustainable the way it was, and that's that." Man, this guy trails off and requires ellipses a lot. He denies cheating rumors, but admits to keeping up with them: "It was the flight attendant, it was the pilot! I heard it was this guy sitting next to me in a rehab in Houston. I've heard it all." [ABCNews]
- Tiki Barber pulled a Kelsey Grammer and asked his mistress to marry him before finishing divorcing his wife. The 36 year old football player turned TV personality will wed 24-year-old Traci Lynn Johnson just as soon as his wife grants him a divorce. [NYPost]
Lindsay Lohan got words from a Billy Joel song tattooed on her side: "Clear as crystal sharp as a knife / I feel like I'm in the prime of my life." Oh my god, Lindsay Lohan is on crystal meth and self-mutilating with knives. [TMZ]
- Cher Twitter-scolded the "stupid bigots" who "viciously attacked" son Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars message boards. Chaz's diplomatic response: "Thanks for all your support mom. The haters are just motivating me to work harder and stay on DWTS as long as I possibly can." [@Cher, Us]
- Speaking of Chaz Bono, after years of waiting he is reportedly "readying" himself for bottom surgery. [Radar]
Taylor Lautner is on the cover of V Man's "Inventory of Masculinity" issue. Tee hee. Cute kid. Patchy facial hair. Don't worry, Tay, you'll grow into it. [VMan]
- Mel Gibson finally reached a divorce settlement with phone rant victim ex-wife Oksana Grigorieva. $750,000, split custody, Oksana gets the house until their daughter turns 18. This is considered cheap; TMZ claims Oksana initially rejected a $15 million settlement, whereas the new one adds up to just a few millions, if you take rent-free life in a fancy house into account. [AP, TMZ]
- Chris Brown's $22,000 diamond-encrusted Rolex flew off while he was doing aerial flips at the VMAs, and the screaming fan who caught it gave it back, and now Chris wants to give her a reward, like a backstage pass on his tour. Hopefully this turns into Tale of the Magi, and it turns out she actually went deaf in the process of witnessing his Rolex-flinging performance. [TMZ]