Frank Bruni Writes the Most Boring Story Ever Told

Frank Bruni is the new Bill Keller is the new Thomas Friedman! Which is to say, the latest New York Times columnist who can be reliably depended upon to use his priceless media real estate to write utterly vacuous and worn-out tripe about this CRRRAAAZZZYYY modern technology we have in our modern world, these days.

Bruni, a bad newspaper columnist, has a problem, guys: how to get in touch with his friends most conveniently???

In a hurry to reach my friend K., I made the mistake of calling him on his mobile phone...

It's hard to keep track. Because my friend A., who frequently sends text messages, somehow fails to recognize that she might receive them as well...

But not with my friend D. Between his two mobile phones, two office phones and one home phone, you can never know which number to try...

My friend M. was recently reacquainted with an in-box unattended for a year. It was stuffed with hundreds of unread messages...

My friend J. and I like to talk on the phone, but only after she has sent me a gmail to propose a gchat, during which we determine if a call is actually warranted and whether I should use her home, mobile, main office or satellite office number...

My friend E. just texted, two days after my text. "Didn't see it," she reports.

I find that the easiest way to get in touch with your friends is to write a New York Times op-ed column about them.

[NYT, photo via Getty]