Give Us Your Back to School Horror StoriesS

Oh, the day after Labor Day is such torture. Work gets busy again, the weather starts to get crappy, and you can't even wear your favorite white shoes anymore. But at least you aren't back in school like all the kids in America! Let's celebrate by sharing our worst stories of those school daze.

Yes, the Tuesday after Labor Day is the traditional start day for many public schools in America, so let's celebrate by recalling the worst thing that happened to us in a classroom.

I'm reminded of a time when I was a freshman in high school and used to suffer from fairly regular migraines, which would eventually become so severe that I would vomit. While in English class one day, I was beset by such a headache and it was quickly getting worse, and I knew what was coming. I asked the teacher for a pass to the nurse so that I could have some peace for the inevitable heaving and subsequent call to my mother to pick me up from school. However, he thought I was faking and wouldn't give me a pass. After an excruciating 20 minutes with my head on the desk, it was time to do the deed. I got up while he was in the midst of telling us about the similarities between Romeo and Juliet and West Side Story (yeah, he was a show queen) walked to the garbage can behind him and puked in front of the entire class. I turned around and said, "Can I get a pass to the nurse now?" in my best bitch babygay voice. This time, he had quite a different answer.

Now that I've shared mine, let's hear yours. Here are the ground rules.

  • Horror stories should be left in the comments section of this post. If you don't have a commenting account find out how to get one here. As much as I love hearing from you guys, do not email the stories.
  • Since "awful things that we did in college" is an entirely different contest, let's keep this to stories that happened to you from K-12. Embarrassing home schooling stories count too, as do stories about taking your kid to school or awful things that happened to your child in school.
  • Be concise. Keep it short, to the point, and interesting. Don't bog us down with all the extraneous details or back story. Know what is important to your story and stick to it. If it's more than 100 words, you might need to rethink your story.
  • The atrocity of the tale counts as much as how well it's told. Try to find some humor in the tale. No one wants a total bummer.
  • Don't recap the plot of a movie and try to pass it off as your own horror story. That's not cute, clever, original, or funny. Ever.
  • Standard Contest Rules apply.

OK, get to the comments and lets hear those stories about the time when your crush broke your heart by eating paste, when your Show Choir dress ripped while performing "Ease on Down the Road" in front of the whole school, or when you didn't quite make it to the lavatory. We'll crown a winner Wednesday afternoon, and she'll receive a Lisa Frank folder, a Trapper Keeper, and a steaming heap of mashed potatoes served by a woman in a hair net. All the runners-up will receive stars (if they are, in fact, starless).

Good luck, and may be the best pocket protector related story win.

[Image via Shutterstock]