Retro relic Eddie Murphy is going to host the Oscars, at least according to our bosom buddy Nikki Finke over at Deadline. Man, this is going to be worse than Forrest Gump winning Best Picture.

This year's telecast, which isn't even held until February, is being directed by eminent schlockmeister and X-Men movie ruiner Brett Ratner and he promises to make the show awesome by blowing stuff up and having Jackie Chan do some stunts from a moving car or something. Now, Ratner has chosen Murphy to fill the never-appreciated hosting slot. This sort of announcement usually isn't made until the winter, but Murphy is starring in Ratner's newest movie Tower Heist (which is basically 48 Hours except Murphy is working for a bumbling criminal instead of an irascible cop) which opens in two weeks, so this announcement is just another stop on their publicity tour.

So now we're all stuck with Murphy as the host of the Oscars thanks to Ratner, who wants to ensure his latest piece of cinematic rubble makes a lot of money. Just great. Isn't Ben Stiller in that movie too? Can't we get him to host instead? If we're making deals with devils, can we at least make deals with devils that have made a successful joke after 1991. What, is Murphy just going to get on stage and rehash his best bits from Raw? Then again, he can't do any worse than that James Franco. Damn, I can't believe it's September and I'm already not looking forward to the Oscars.

[Image of Murphy and Ratner via Getty]