Sarah Jessica Parker visited tonight's Late Show to chat with David Letterman and promote her new film, I Don't Know What She's Talking About. Oh wait, that's not the title of her movie, it's my reaction to the interview. Because what the hell?

Anyway, here's a four-minute taste of Parker's second rambling segment, during which she told a story that had something to do with Russia, the Bolshoi, language barriers, trespassing, a strange suitor, clandestine cell phone pics, grain alcohol, and oh god please make it stop.