College to Drug Test Entire Student BodyS

Perhaps you thought your freshman year would be one long debauchery festival featuring a few term papers here and there interspersed with copious amounts of alcohol, marijuana, ecstasy, hashish, hash oil, opium, ketamine, cocaine, GHB, DMT, DXM, LSD, salvia, amphetamine, methamphetamine, nitrous oxide, ayahuasca, ibogaine, peyote, and various distillations of regional hallucinogenic plants.

Not at Linn State Technical College, my friend.

The 1,200 lucky students at Missouri's Linn State will get to tell their grandkids that they attended the first US college to drug test its entire student body. The school's dean of student affairs tells the AP that "We want them to be prepared" for the "drug-free workplace" they'll encounter in the real world. Great logic! Let's ruin college because your post-college life will consist of mechanical drudgery. Then they find some student narc to quote:

"I don't think a lot of us are bent out of shape," he said. "I think it's a good idea. It helps us prepare for the real world."

Yeah, you're not bent. That's the problem.

If you were wasted you'd think that was funny. That's the problem.

[AP. Photo of Linn State, in all its narcotic-free majesty: Facebook]