As if global warming hasn't already done enough for us, guess what we're gearing up for now? That's right: "one of the worst, and longest, allergy seasons yet." Don't worry, we're here to help!
Why is allergy season going to be so bad? Well, because God hates you. But also for these more science-y reasons:
Thanks to a particularly wet summer, ragweed pollen levels are surging and standing water left over from summer flooding and Hurricane Irene has increased the amount of mold, a common year-round allergen, in the air.
Allergy season is expected to last a few weeks longer than usual this year [...] The season usually runs from mid-August until the first frost of the year, around early October, but if the frost is delayed, as is predicted for this year, the allergy season goes on indefinitely until it comes.
The culprit, as with all things, is global warming, which (duh) makes the weather warmer and delays the frost, keeping the dreaded ragweed (whose pollen is the chief cause of fall allergies) alive for weeks longer. Worse, "if you expose [ragweed] to greenhouse gases, it produces three to four times" as much pollen.
Because of this, it's important to "take extra steps to limit your exposure to the pollen." Try some of our helpful tips!
- Do not ever leave your house. Everyone entering your house from the exterior must strip down and burn their clothes.
- If you still get allergies in your house, burn your house down. Dig a hole in the smoldering ashes and live there.
- Try not to breathe in through your mouth or nose. See how long you can live without oxygen.
- Take antihistamines. If a single antihistamine doesn't work, take several. Take a few dozen! Who cares if you die; it's better than having allergies.