Study: Spongebob Squarepants Is Ruining Your Kid's Life

Gay, anti-Christian, global warming-peddling cartoon Spongebob Squarepants is under attack from old people again, and this time it's from scientists. In the newest edition of Pediatrics, researchers from the University of Virginia found that sticking the kids in front of Spongebob Squarepants so you don't have to actually hang out with them is, in fact, killing their attention spans.

The researchers had three groups of four-year-olds watch Spongebob Squarepants and some boring, educational cartoon on PBS, Caillou, in nine-minute increments, while one group spent the time drawing with no television on. Afterward, tests were conducted on the kids' executive function, or the ability to remain focused. Guess what! The kids who watched Spongebob Squarepants scored "significantly worse" than the ones who watched Caillou. And the group that spent the entire nine minutes drawing instead did even better. In other words, television really is horrible.

Dr. Dimitri Christakis, a pediatrician, spoke with Today, and offered this terrifying scientific analysis:

"They put their kids in front of television, particularly fast-paced programming, to quiet them down, but when the TV goes off, the kids are more amped up than they were before."

So there you have it. If you really want your kids to calm down, you at least know this works.

[TODAY; image via Nickelodeon]