Yes, There's Another Terrifying Republican Debate Tonight

The Republican candidates for president just debated five nights ago at the St. Ronald of Reagan gravesite in California. Couldn't they just leave us alone for a while, after that? No! We have to have a CNN/Tea Party Express debate in Florida tonight, to allow Wolf Blitzer and some right-wing grifters confuse the American public into the fetal position.

Here are five things to watch for:

  • Michele Bachmann will fight Rick Perry who will go after Mitt Romney because polls say —

Eh, let's not go down this path. They will all argue with each other again about the same old crap, is that good enough? And there'll be a national network of Tea Partiers egging them on. From the Tea Party Express website:

The Tea Party Debate has tremendous significance because it is powered by engaged tea party activists. The Tea Party Debate will be coordinated by Tea Party Express and CNN, with participation and involvement from co-host local tea party groups in every state across the country. The questions asked of the candidates will all come from the tea party groups and their members – to ensure the debate is about the issues that matter most to the tea party movement.

Sounds like we'll get at least a few segments about The War on Manatees.

CNN, meanwhile, is preparing for the festivities by fluffing up the aforementioned special interest group that it's chosen to partner with for a presidential debate. "Angry electorate helps sustain tea party," CNN.com tells us in a story that just happened to commissioned for the day of its sister television network's Tea Party debate:

For those who doubt the movement has moved toward the mainstream, the Tea Party Express will join CNN on Monday night to host a nationally televised forum where eight GOP presidential candidates will vie for tea party support.

Think the Tea Party Express isn't nearly as important as networks like CNN make it out to be? Well then you try explaining how they got a contract to broadcast a debate on CNN! It's definitely not because CNN made a strange decision or anything.

Anyway, now for the important part... [flips coin]... [flips again]... [flips for a third time]... Curses! Three in a row saying we should do live coverage of this on Gawker tonight. See you all at 8pm Eastern!

[Image via Tea Party Express]