Gordon Ramsay's Porn Dwarf Double Eaten by Badger

U.K. tabloid Sunday Sport recently introduced the world to Percy Foster, a 35-year-old dwarf porn star whose career was just beginning to catch fire. It was all because an observant production assistant on the set of Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's Up Your Arse We Go had noticed how much Foster looked like celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. But just as Foster was set to join the rarefied ranks of celebrity lookalike dwarf porn stars, tragedy struck: The body of the 3' 6" performer has been discovered in a badger's den, partially eaten.

According to Sunday Sport's follow-up account, Foster was found "deep in an underground chamber by Ministry of Agriculture experts ahead of a planned badger-gassing programme near Tregaron, west Wales." They write that "expert CSI teams had to use fingertip technology to remove his body from the six-foot-deep burrow." (I have no idea what fingertip technology is, but I imagine it's akin to one of those claw cranes you find in arcades and drugstores.)

Officials have not yet ruled out suicide, and adult film producer Dexter Yamunkeh's comments — in which he intimates that Foster may have cracked under the pressures of being the world's leading Gordon Ramsay-lookalike-sex-dwarf — certainly don't invalidate the possibility:

"Percy was a little guy with big problems. He was doing well but he was under pressure, 24/7, like everyone in this goddamned business."

It's more than a little curious that the internet, aka God's porn dumping grounds, contains not a single reference to either Percy or Dexter prior to these two news items. But that's just the cynic in me talking. So tonight, we pour out a little (and I do mean little) gin in memory of poor Percy. We may never get to see his work in Midget MasterChef: Assbasters 7, but his memory will live on all the same. [Sunday Sport via Anorak]